Loser Love Diaries 24: German Girls

This German girl with whom I got to know via Tinder and had a brief date with [incredibly] responded to my texts. However, she seems less than enthusiastic to talk to me. I think I can chalk this up to how overly-energetic and try-hard I was at our coffee date. Out of the three times I went to the bathroom, sI returned to find her on her phone, inevitably informing her friends on how awful of a person I am.

You see, this would then be the second (but who's really counting ;)) German girl I have pursued. And it seems to me because I am so odd, so out-there, so different, I appear unattractive to German girls. Which means German girls astonishingly in some ways have higher standards than even I do when searching for a mate.

While I discriminate on hair color, hobbies, interests, they discriminate on country of origin. It seems as though they are only attracted to boring, traditional German males.

I'll keep you all posted. I'm sure you're dying to know what comes next... Good one.

Loser Love Diaries 23: Tinder and Whatsapp Rollercoaster

Just last week I felt desirable. I had two girls regularly sending me Whatsapp messages (one even asked me to have sex with her [despite this sounding absurd and unlikely, this was the second time for such a thing to escape the mouth of a female directed at me]) and was chatting with multiple girls via Tinder. This, though, was during a brief period when I had no money, so I avoided asking these girls on dates or going to clubs with them. 

This whole coincidence came to me as a surprise because it’s an event in itself when any girl talks to me. I think it has to do with simply how odd of a person I am. I seem to repulse any and all German girls with how quirky I am. But don’t think for a moment that means I will ever change my personality for a girl. I will remain true to myself, even if that means I must stay single for the rest of my life. 

I had a date with a girl I came into contact with on Tinder, but I will avoid the details (as I learned the hard way that girls hate to be written about), especially given the possibility this girl and I potentially have a future together. However, I will say that after getting her number, I deliberately avoided talking to her for a day (to play the role of the proverbial “tough guy”/asshole girls always seem to subconsciously drape themselves over). 

Right now, it’s day two of the two-day process and I texted her a couple of hours ago, yet to receive anything. I am becoming paranoid, as if she pretended to enjoy my company, the date and only turned red on multiple occasions to feign her fondness of me. As if she is simply so polite that she cannot bear to possibly say she can’t imagine us together. I would frankly prefer for any girl to be as bluntly honest as possible, as I am about absolutely everything (as you can see for yourself on this blog, wherein I confess everything in candid detail). 

Though, I maintain it’s good to continue to be skeptical about my love life, to not believe it when a girl likes you, to think you are not good-looking or that you have any chance with any girl. Yes, it’s ego-destroying, but at the same time you can only ever be pleasantly surprised and never disappointed. 

So consider my outlook more in the way of realism than skepticism, because going by my track record (let’s see, kissing a total of four girls in my life, with nothing else, nothing more, nothing less, ever, no girlfriends, no sex), there’s little to expect or for that matter, be optimistic about. Why else do you think this blog series is titled “Loser Love Diaries”? I am brutally honest with and critical about myself and that’s how I will continue to be and I love it. I think it makes for an interesting blog at least. 

I write this blog, after all, as a form of therapy for the wild ups (yeah, right) and mostly downs of my love life. Talking to my friends or family about my encounters and experiences with girls doesn’t ever come close to unleashing every shred of my raw emotion on a shitty Blogspot blog.

Loser Love Diaries 22: Tinder

The latest online dating app, Tinder, has caught my attention after hearing friends talk about it. 

I thought, "Hey, I've been single all my life and have wanted a girlfriend all that time, so what's there to lose? Also, I can use this app as a litmus test as to if or what kind of girls are attracted to me." Well, of course, I didn't quite say all of that, but I thought it. 

It all then started among a friend of mine and I, not too keen on taking the dating app seriously. We held a contest wherein we would see who could get the most amount of matches (possible by having the most attractive profile, profile picture and liking every girl who is suggested to you). 

Before that, however, when I was testing the app in earnest to see how it works, I liked the girls I actually found attractive and disliking the ones I didn't. But nothing. I guess the girls I find attractive all have one feature in common, which would be their "Hochnäsigkeit," or their inflated self-worth/esteem. Unattainable, confident girls are in my book attractive girls. Girls who come to me are no longer attractive. That's just the way my mind works. 

And the least attainable girls are by far blonde ones, for their self-esteem is so high, that should some lowly man as myself try to talk to them, it will result in at first eye-rolling and then cat-walk strutting out of the vicinity with her possé at her sides. Acknowledging my existence shows she likes me and might give me the impression I should talk to her, but no blonde wants me to talk to her. 

At a club this weekend, I approached a non-blonde (Egad!), pulled my initial move of asking a stupid foreigner question, revealing my American identity, impressing her with my German skills and carrying the small-talk on from there. The rhythm's become so routine, I do it now without a second thought. 

Into our deep conversation (or as deep as a conversation can be on the dancefloor at an electro club), I said to myself "Fuck it, I can tell (like all German girls, these are no exception) these girls are stuck up and I don't stand a chance because I act myself." In Germany, being unique, remarkable, unusual, exotic or otherwise is romantic suicide. You must be as boring and as perfect as possible in order to swoon the hearts of Gernan girls. So given I no longer cared what this girl thought of me, I asked her, "Why do girls dance in circles like this? For guys to come to you?" She said, "It depends." I interjected, "It depends (referring to myself) if the guys are foreign, funny, goofy, unique, or "Asozial"? She laughed and I was clearly doing well on the battlefield we call courtship (yeah right). But her friends (surprised), in typical German hochnäsig fashion, did not approve of me and never would. So those gifts of God cat-walked out of the club, for reasons unknown. Whatever, used to it. Not disappointed with such low expectations after all. 

It seems Tinder was made for Germany, a place where the girls appear to hate to be flirted with and the guys are too shy to do so. 

And after I can see I get nothing but unattractive girls liking me, I can see blonde girls' expectations are astronomically high for their suitors. 

Loser Love Diaries 21

An ugly girl who always smiles is better than a pretty one who never does.

Loser Love Diaries 20: Friend Zone

There are times when girls like me. Yet I don't like them or find them attractive or I don't make a move to get with them or what have you. These girls then assume I've friend zoned them and completely seize to talk with me. Or, perhaps my method to get a girl (all of which have been unsuccessful, no less) are so different (because they don't work) that the girl has no idea if I like her or not. 

This is part-and-parcel of me being a conservative courtier, because I want to be gentlemanly in everything I do. 

Loser Love Diaries 19

For more conservative guys (perhaps like myself) it's always a tricky balance because you want a girl who will make it clear to you as soon as possible that she is interested in you. Yet, on the other side of the coin, the girl is afraid of embarrassing herself by showing too much emotion early on, only to be denied, leaving her ultimately damaged. 

Loser Love Diaries 18

I feel a cold sensation toward the opposite sex. Not when it comes to socializing or talking, but rather, when it comes to flirting. I just have so little faith anymore there is someone truly "out there for me." It's such a pipe dream echoed throughout the media that maintains that this fallacy is anything but. Yet, I can't shake the feeling that there is more than likely no one for me, girls do not and never will find me attractive, and that I never will have any opportunity ever to find someone. 

I also can't help that I could very happily live for the rest of my life single, virgin and unmarried if this petty thing called "biology" didn't make men feel useless without a mate. 

Loser Love Diaries 17: You Know when you're a Bitch when...

Some time ago, I met a girl on the way to the post office.

After the chain of events that followed our encounter (namely, being stood up three times), I wrote the above article.

The girl (bitch) read what I wrote and sent me the following after I said to her:

• Michael Lenoch
  

  
  

  Hey ich weiß, dass wir nicht für ein Monat oder so gesprochen haben und dass du höchstwahrscheinlich nicht antworten wirst (und du musst nicht), aber ich wollte dir halt entschuldigung sagen ob ich irgendwie gemein oder unhöflich mit dir war. Tschüß.
• 15.03.2014 18:15
  

  Carlotta Arnold
  

  
  

  Hey, tut mir Leid, dass ich dir einfach nicht mehr geschrieben habe, aber um dir dies in Zukunft zu ersparen : du solltest vielleicht nicht über Mädchen, die du kennenlernst, auf deinem Onlineblog schreiben, sodass die ganze Öffentlichkeit es lesen kann!

  Machs gut
• 

  15.03.2014 20:45
  

  Michael Lenoch
  

  Alles klar. Meine schuld. Ich stelle mir vor, dass du nichts mit mir mehr zu tun möchtest dann.
• 16. März
• 

  16.03.2014 02:53
  

  Michael Lenoch
  

  Whatever... No matter what I say will change anything. Just know I'm sorry.

You can throw that into your old Google Translate to see what unfolded.

And you know what? I don't care I'm publishing her name, because I said N-O-T-H-I-N-G bad to or about her ever, anytime, anywhere -- in that blog listen or elsewhere. What she got angry about, I sincerely don't know.

And Carlotta, if you're wondering why you don't have a boyfriend based on your desperate cries out for a great man to just suddenly fall out of the sky onto your lap on Facebook, you just let a great one go. I hope you're happy, because I am sure am that I found out you are a bitch before I ever had the misfortune of spending more time with you.

Just had to get that out of my system and bucket list.

Loser Love Diaries 16: Skepticism Pays off

Ever since I had my encounter with a German girl on my way to the post office, I have been jaded about girls. And that has been mostly for good.

This skepticism about any potential relationship having the slightest chance of ever taking off has made me more durable for the common occurrence of when they don't. One could argue, however, that being so skeptical can make it so that no potential relationship will in fact have any chance of success.

But in truth, I'm simply so tired of the "Hi, my name is ...," "I am from," all the bullshit in between and simply dealing with bitchy girls who think they are hot shit. You can, in most cases, detect when a girl has a rotten personality by the way she carries herself.

If she pays no attention to anyone or anything surrounding her, whether that means she is trapped behind the backlit screen of her smartphone, rapidly messaging people who are clearly more important than the ones physically standing around her or behind the lenses of designer sunglasses, similarly oblivious to the events happening around her, this is a red flag for a seriously narcissistic girl. And these types are far too easy to spot in Germany, where strangers very nearly never make smalltalk with one another and people are trapped in their bubbles of personal space.

A narcissistic girl is often troublesome because while she may be beautiful, she is keenly aware of this and will manipulate her beauty to get whatever she wants to every end. A narcissistic girl is the sort to tell you how awful her day was without you even asking, the one who gets angry at you for not doing things that you had no idea bothered her, the kind of girl that is, and will forever remain, impossible to please. You can be either her Prince Charming (handsome and romantic), or her royal steed (strong and dependable), but never both. And neither will ever quench her insatiable thirst for her concept of what constitutes a "real man."

Such a girl will always yearn for you to be more romantic, referring to what her girlfriends' husbands have done, or what unattainable [garbage] ideas of "romance" films have put in her head.

Staying single strong.

Germany: Not the best Vacation Destination

If you ever wanted to go to Germany on vacation, realize it may never be  a vacation destination because as you walk around in your flip flops and Bermudas, the scary German folk rushing to and from work, with their stern intensity and ubiquitous frowning will remind you Germany is no vacation destination and frankly, may never be. I don't think they get the concept of "relaxing" here.