Monday, June 28, 2010

Quotable Hasten

Possibly the most charismatic teacher in all of Saint Ignatius College Prep is Mr. James J. Hasten. You will find that his quotes are funny, outlandish, wise, provocative, witty, and poignant, despite oftentimes not making a whole lot of sense.

From the margins of my Intro to Economics spiral notebook are tens of sayings James J. Hasten has gone on the record for. Note that some may be entirely out of context, and therefore may be irrelevant. Get ready to "Zzz" away!

1. "Perceptions govern much of reality."

2. "Do you enjoy your own company?"

3. "There is nothing normal."

4. "Being humorless [in class] is less of an offense than sleeping." (Clearly, he doesn't take to sleeping in class all that well.)

5. "Blackboard economics always works."

6. "The superbowl [is merely made out] to appear it's a bigger event than it truly is."

7. "Experience is a very good teacher."

8. "My two favorite books are The Grapes of Wrath, and Winnie the Pooh."

9. "You are not here [in class] at the end of a spearpoint."

10. "Charity is not a means to produce something."

11. "Nature hates a vacuum."

12. "Ignorance is bliss when it is a folley to be wise. [Which it] ...never is a folley to be wise."

13. "Don't hem, don't haw."

14. "You are tortured what you come to know."

15. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

16. "Don't just give me word-vomit [regurgitation]. Think. Think. Think. Think."

17. "I would rather play golf than work here for free."

18. "Actuarily?"

19. "Do good by doing well."

20. "Adverse selection."

21. "Percentage change saves people from having to withstand calculous."

22. "Ham-handed method -- clumsy, more or less accurate, approximate."

23. "... undaunted in your resolve."

24. "Americans have been pig-head for far too long."

25. "... leaves one more confused than enlightened."

26. "You don't define something inasmuch as you describe it."

27. "Cooperative survival = democracy."

28. "[satirical] Thought to self: don't ruin Mr. Hasten's grand, metaphoric explanation."

29. "Money is meaningless unless you run out of it."

30. "That won't feed the bulldog in terms of economic growth."

31. ...going ganbusters."

32. "The heart of your criticism..."

33. "Here I lead you to the primrose path of error [deceiving lesson]."

34. "You know it as well as you know your name."

35. "Ergo -- Therefore."

36. "Earn a living, and do well in the world."

37. "[Have a] smug satisfaction that you know more than most people."

38. "We may never [fully] eliminate the oscillations of the economic system."

39. "Don't ever let past data lead you to conclude future data."

40. "Mathmatical proclivity."

41. "How much time and money do we have to spend protecting ourselves [referring to military].

42. "[They ] didn't [even] agree on the time of day."

43. "When there's no fault, there's no responsibility [Utilitarian worldview]."

44. "Mightier forces have to be at play... to..."

45. "You know you've arrived when the world comes up with an adjective for you."

46. "It takes a lot of horses to have a horse race."

47. "And oh, by the way... [Very common phrase found in Hastenian language]"

48. "[Sorry Raul,] I don't speak Mexican!"

49. "I think I'm going to join a Monestary."

50. "Poncho, get Raul, and get him a burrito."

51. "French people commonly say, [French accent] oui, oui, I don't care about living."

52. "At college, everyone is a little homesick."

53. "If you don't annoy me, I don;t annoy you."

54. "You seniors, do what you're supposed to do for the next seven days."

55. "Mr. Hasten and YouTube don't belong in the same sentence, it's a contradiction."

56. "For my money, which counts for more than yours. It does."

57. "If you seniors miss the final, you'll have an alternative assignment that is from the lower reaches of hell."

58. "It's not all that much more advanced than rubbing two sticks together to create fire.'

59. "You would hope most people of the adult persuasion would do the same."

60."It's a fun final!"

61. "No one will be adversely affected by the final, unless you are."

62. "I'm not the Holy Roman Emperor, so I have to work for a living!"

63. "I'm consulting -- that's code fo I don't have a job."

64. "Magic. Well, I am. [nods]."

65. "Keynes' writing, while brilliant is difficult to comprehend."

66. "Even a dead cat bounces."

67. "Even an economy that doesn't have way much oompf will be affected by some government spending."

68. "The dog bit me in the thigh, and I had to go to the hospital!"

69. "Take that Goddamn dog away, and shoot Father Ferguson."

70. "It's not for the money why I'm here. It's not. There are ten, or twelve thousand other things."

71. "Well, we've had cocktail parties in class before. I tell you, the students we're actually drinking!"

72. "If I drank, think of what this [class] would be like."

73. "I'm actually part Russian. That's the bad part."

74. "There's no geographical boundary to Poland, which is why everyone attempts to take it."

75. "Oh, and, don't drink too much at a cocktail party, because you're not as funny as you think you are."

76. "Why should I fill out forms if you're failing? Filling out those forms means I would work harder than you. Then who's failing?"

77. (on homesickness) "If what you're missing is worth missing, then good for you."

78. "If leaving high school wasn't bittersweet, then it'd be awful."

79. "Sushi's something you put on a hook. It's bait!"

80. "I was in Zimbabwe for fourty-five minutes. It's true. [nods]"

81. "If I worked for free, then that'd be saying what I'm doing is not worth very much."

82. "Part of the world has become more antiseptic."

83. "We live in a [largely] antiseptic world. Not all for the better."

84. "Students used to give teachers booze as Christmas presents."

85. "The only objective of homework is to complete it, and move on to the next assignment, which is why I don't believe in it."

86. "For virtue's sake! Find something by which to motivate yourself!"

87. "In the 17th Century, in the Netherlands, peopled payed more for tulips than for houses."

88. "... vomiting projectorily at the sight of our national debt."

89. "Economics is a foreign language that happens to be in English."

90. "Some of you [students] are sucking rear-runner."

91. "[If we had school during summer] I would be the least comfortable in this oppressive heat."

92. "Don't give up, you've come a long way, hang in there. In some ridiculous fashion, this will all somehow make you better."

93. "I would be the last person to say that economics explains everything."

94. "Not knowing economics in this day and age renders you illiterate."

95. "You have my best wishes now and forever."