Friday, March 20, 2015

Goldilocks' Ego

Blonde women, but mostly dyed ones, are the sort of individuals who perceive they belong to an exalted sect of society; a higher order that need not toil with us lowly brown- or black-haired nether-creatures (though they do not even belong to the "elevated" genetic group themselves).

Indeed, these "superior" beings care only to speak of themselves, improve their beauty and social status in superficial and inconsequential ways and publicly display themselves using as many avenues as humanly possible.

The whole reason for dying one's hair blonde, after all, is to gain the attention of the opposite sex as most men desire blondes over all other types of women. So it is the fake blondes who can be cited as the root of this pretension I so despise.

The vicious cycle at no point halts with men ever more deeply gazing at the golden passers by in public and conversely, the recipients of such gawking, in turn, receiving such generous boosts of self-esteem, an endorphin surge that only encourages the behavior to dye one's hair blonde, blonder and still blonder... Until there is no more hair to be dyed for it has been duly dyed to the point of dehydration.

Certainly, it must be noted (for I would otherwise misrepresent this social phenomenon), that far from every dyed blonde partakes in such behavior. Rather, it is the blondes who explicitly dye their hair for the crutch it will serve as the vehicle to further attention, attraction and ultimately—what virtually every woman seeks—love.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

How to Not Get Rid of Acne

If you are reading this, chances are that you have been searching high and low for the solution to the common infection of the skin, otherwise known as acne.

Well, I have some bad news: I don't know how to "cure" acne.

On the other hand, I can save you otherwise wasted time, money, energy, effort and stress by telling you (ask me how I know) by letting what methods are certain not to work.

1.) Baking soda and toothpaste overnight face mask: doing this is not only terrible for your skin, but dries it to a corpse-like brittleness as well. In addition, you wake up to an awful, concrete goop that takes at least 15 minutes to fully remove.

Finally, the paste never quite meshes properly and you will end up wasting expensive (and valuable) toothpaste in the long run by attempting this foolish tactic.

2.) Straight Salicylic acid to your face: Do not, by any means, apply 20% Salicylic acid to your face (as I did). May I remind you Salicylic acid is the same remedy for foot warts... In other words, thick, tough skin and not for your soft, delicate face.

Some sites in fact recommend this method—the results are far from brilliant. I not only encountered a painful and enduring burning sensation, but sections of my face reflected this idiotic solution with a garish and grotesque red irritation.

Despite all the suffering, after my skin finally healed, it paved the way to fresh, healthy and pimple-free skin! Hallelujah!

So you're probably asking yourself "So, why don't I just use Salicylic acid then?" Well if you're fine with putting up with the appearance of a zombie for a week or longer only to find that your clear skin lasts for all of two days, be my guest!

The issue appears, is that my type of acne is low, deep and therefore not easily accessible using traditional means. As a result, the hidden acne easily returned as the Salicylic acid merely burned off the top layering skin of my forehead.

Very anticlimactic if you ask me. I had thought for the two or so days that I had finally cured my affliction. But underwhelmingly, it was just waiting there for me the whole time... In spite of my will, dedication and spirit to withstand the burning feeling Salicylic acid brings with it.

So if you can plan out the burning, recovery and acne-free stages just right for your upcoming wedding, concert or formal event of choice, be sure to lock yourself in your house for a good week or so, certain to not provoke spontaneous vomiting from onlookers in public.

3.) Skin soaps: though the most sensible, conventional and widely-accepted technique in modern culture, I have not yet found any (store bought) skin soap capable of doing the trick. Even from varying brands and amount of Salicylic acid (I realize I just noted how harmful Salicylic acid is, but the tiny amount of it contained in soaps is perfectly safe), nothing has been quite capable of taking these wretched, tiny bumps from my face.

Worth noting is that I still have yet to try ProActiv or receive a consultation from a professional dermatologist. Both I have avoided due to higher costs.

Though, as is apparent, home remedies for acne do not work and hopefully with the money you have saved (thanks to my own stupidity) by avoiding these methods, hopefully you can afford to consult with a professional dermatologist yourself.