Hello, Jehovah

It seems having Jehovah's Witnesses appear at your door is as much of a rite of passage as serving jury duty. Well today, for the first time, that happened to me. And unlike the bulk of people these brave souls encounter, I am not a God-hating Atheist, rather, a God-loving Catholic. And only for a second was it that I thought the two elderly women were Jehovah's Witnesses before I realized they were two normal, oxygen-breathing, red-blooded homosapians. After I realized their normal-ity, I thought, 'They couldn't possibly be Jehovah's Witnesses. Especially considering the ridiculous stories I've heard of them.' So, for the duration of the awkward rapport I had with the younger of the two old ladies, I didn't think twice. Then my dog comes out, and thankfully, they become distracted, and only want to ask questions about 'Lucy, the puggle, or pug-beagle-mix, who is 6-years-old'. This convinced me even more of the oxygen-breathing, red-blood possessing likelihood of Jehovah's Witnesses. Nothing un-normal here.

Then I'm handed a pamphlet. In this pamphlet is a seemingly normal doctrine that uses the Bible as its basis, providing evidence for the 'goodness of the Earth and Heaven'. And then, the final paragraph tells me for sure, saying, 'But Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe this'. I become furious and proceed to rip up the pamphlet and later, rather sadistically, send it to the shredder like I would a speeding ticket.