Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Loser Love Diaries 27: How to Date German Girls (What I think I've learned)

So, after this girl has not responded to me for what has to have been a little less than 36 hours (but who's counting? [sigh]), it's more than likely she never wants to ever see me again. And that's fair. I can barely count the number of girls who have felt this way about me. But what I say to that is that these girls have misunderstood me, never bothered to try to understand me or made false assumptions about me.

In the past, I've thought revealing that I'm a virgin early on may alleviate some problems (I thought girls were paranoid of men who want sex), but no. It only serves to make you look needy and creepy. Surprise. But how was I to know?

Now, let me review the mistakes I made on the coffee date:

1: Talking too quickly

I was genuinely nervous to meet this girl, because this was the first time I had ever talked to a girl online before meeting her in person (usually the girl should feel this way, not the guy, I digress). My nervousness was easy to identify by the speed at which I spoke, the frequency at which I went to the bathroom (thrice, to be exact) and how uncomfortable I appeared with dead air, as I constantly was moving on to new topics, even if they were trivial.

Today at my university, there was a tour day for high schoolers and I noticed there were some awfully attractive girls with some otherwise rather nerdy looking guys. I think what German girls look for subtly attractive guys, who are quiet, nonchalant, non-flashy, occasionally funny and not easily impressed or excitable. To me, that's the essence of boring. I cannot, nor want to ever be that way. So if the blonde German girls I so [shamefully] lust after seek something like that, they can forget about me providing such stoicalness.

There is almost certainly this notion that the above mentioned personality traits are what constitute "manliness" in Germany. In America, it is rather different; a more exaggerated idea of strength, willingness to fight spontaneously, stand for what one believes in to any end, dress with little regard and to center one's life solely around sports and little else.

2: Showing my pink iPhone

My life is a joke. Life is not meant to be taken seriously. Actually, nothing is to be taken seriously. It is all what we make of it. I got a pink iPhone because I think it's hilarious and I enjoy seeing peoples' reactions when they see a man wielding it. Yet, given this girl's values are more on the conservative, (BORING) German (ALSO BORING) side, a funny man who does not take himself seriously (contrary to all the dating guides I've ever read, which I mean, they should all be right, or am I missing something?) is not something she is looking for.

3: "Lying"

OK. Important clarification. I am one of the most honest people in the known world. I do not kid myself, I poke fun at myself and hell, read my other Loser Love Diaries to see how incredibly honest and open I am with my readers (anyone on the internet who can type in!

Yet, a girl I barely know, and one, who in turn barely knows me is not so likely to believe that when she already thinks I'm a liar. You see, (as I alluded to in an earlier post), I made my Tinder account say I am actually 26 to see if my chances of getting in touch with a girl were any higher. But because I am so honest, I told her I am actually 21. Why is that such a big deal when she is 23...? Leave it up to women to make mountains out of molehills.

It's very German of me to only look on the bad side of things, but let me reflect on what I actually, incredibly, did well during the date:

1: Kept conversation flowing

Yes, there is a balance to keep when talking to girls, however, I would argue that talking too much rather than too little is preferable. It keeps the girl engaged and if anything, entertained.

2: Complimented her

Right after we sat down at the cafe, I complimented her, telling her she is much prettier in person than in the pictures, to which she turned red.

3: Paid

It's a sign of a good man when he pays, without even hinting at the possibility of the girl paying. Smartly, I also asked her if she wanted something else as I ordered a water after my coffee. While looking at her, I paid and thanked her for the invitation. Classy. Or so I think.

4: Went in for the kill

OK, not really. I didn't pull a Brazilian (kiss on the first encounter), however, I did have the cajones enough to ask for her number. I did it with a straight face and she obliged. What I wonder most of all, however, is what was running through her mind as I asked her. Because that's after all what I am still contemplating. Why would you give a guy your number if you have no intention of ever seeing him again? To let him down easy? To tease him?

Bonus round: one thing she did that confuses me to this day (albeit, this date was only a couple of days ago).

She walked me home. I didn't know where she lived and I said, "Oh, I'll walk home this way" and she offered, "Oh I live along the same street, let me come with." OK...? Never had a girl this eager for anything. Why then, would you ask me out for coffee, turn red multiple times as I compliment you, pay for your coffee, give me your number, text me, telling me that you enjoyed our time together and yet not respond for nearly two days? It doesn't at all add up!

I titled a previous Loser Love Diary "I think too much," which proves ever true. Maybe she is yet again engulfed in her doctor studies and would actually enjoy spending more time with me (or is just a really be sadist and enjoys witnessing me pull my hair out in the form of a silly blog that has a reader base of five viewers per post).

Whatever the case, I have got to talk to new girls to get this one off my head for the moment. The more you think about one girl you are interested in, the creepier you will subconsciously come off whenever you do talk to her.

Get a hobby, hang out with guy friends, girl friends, other potential girls to pursue, anything to get her off your mind!

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