Just last week I felt desirable. I had two girls regularly sending me Whatsapp messages (one even asked me to have sex with her [despite this sounding absurd and unlikely, this was the second time for such a thing to escape the mouth of a female directed at me]) and was chatting with multiple girls via Tinder. This, though, was during a brief period when I had no money, so I avoided asking these girls on dates or going to clubs with them.
This whole coincidence came to me as a surprise because it’s an event in itself when any girl talks to me. I think it has to do with simply how odd of a person I am. I seem to repulse any and all German girls with how quirky I am. But don’t think for a moment that means I will ever change my personality for a girl. I will remain true to myself, even if that means I must stay single for the rest of my life.
I had a date with a girl I came into contact with on Tinder, but I will avoid the details (as I learned the hard way that girls hate to be written about), especially given the possibility this girl and I potentially have a future together. However, I will say that after getting her number, I deliberately avoided talking to her for a day (to play the role of the proverbial “tough guy”/asshole girls always seem to subconsciously drape themselves over).
Right now, it’s day two of the two-day process and I texted her a couple of hours ago, yet to receive anything. I am becoming paranoid, as if she pretended to enjoy my company, the date and only turned red on multiple occasions to feign her fondness of me. As if she is simply so polite that she cannot bear to possibly say she can’t imagine us together. I would frankly prefer for any girl to be as bluntly honest as possible, as I am about absolutely everything (as you can see for yourself on this blog, wherein I confess everything in candid detail).
Though, I maintain it’s good to continue to be skeptical about my love life, to not believe it when a girl likes you, to think you are not good-looking or that you have any chance with any girl. Yes, it’s ego-destroying, but at the same time you can only ever be pleasantly surprised and never disappointed.
So consider my outlook more in the way of realism than skepticism, because going by my track record (let’s see, kissing a total of four girls in my life, with nothing else, nothing more, nothing less, ever, no girlfriends, no sex), there’s little to expect or for that matter, be optimistic about. Why else do you think this blog series is titled “Loser Love Diaries”? I am brutally honest with and critical about myself and that’s how I will continue to be and I love it. I think it makes for an interesting blog at least.
I write this blog, after all, as a form of therapy for the wild ups (yeah, right) and mostly downs of my love life. Talking to my friends or family about my encounters and experiences with girls doesn’t ever come close to unleashing every shred of my raw emotion on a shitty Blogspot blog.