Well, after entering my Tinder age as 26 (as per a recommendation from a friend, because he told me when girls see the age 21, they think all the guys would talk about would be cars, sex, etc. and entering my true age would be a disservice to my maturity level), I think the girl with whom I went for a coffee date with is less than happy with me.
She found out that I am in fact 21 because, well, I cannot lie and could not when the subject came up. And yet in this case, not lying in turn makes me look like a lier. Yet the most unfair and most aggravating bit of the whole situation is that I never lie. Not ever, under any circumstance. And yet it's all because while girls may be easy to impress, they're even easier to upset. This untrue first impression of me, then, has served to spoil any chance I may have had with this girl.
You see, I am the world's most pathetic pursuant of any female. So I thought, yes, (in part because I understood as Tinder as a big joke and there was no possibility at all of actually going on a date with a real-live female, let alone her asking me on a date and let alone her actually being pretty) I will gladly and shamelessly take any advantage I possibly can. Making my age 26 fit the bill.
Our text messaging conversation went as follows (roughly, [and translated from German] as I can remember it, because her not responding for dozens of hours at a time pissed me off so much, I deleted it multiple times):
Me: "Hi, it's Michael the crazy American. I hope you enjoyed Sunday :D"
Me (several hours later upon receiving no response, despite her reading it; important to note: via Tinder, she would always respond immediately): "Guess not... XD"
Her: "Hey, sorry I was really busy doing my doctor studies, how are you doing?" (You didn't seem to have any doctor studies when we were talking on Tinder and when you thought I was 26, now did you...?)
Her: "Yes, it was a nice Sunday."
Me: "I'm doing well thanks to the sun finally being out."
Me (question out of the blue several hours later thanks to me no longer giving a fuck, seeing as though she was barely interested in me anymore): "Hey, you seemed quite disappointed to find out I'm not actually 26, correct?"
Her: "Truth be told, it does bother me a little."
Me: "Well if it doesn't bother you too much, do you want to meet again sometime?"
And now, that's as it sits. As of this writing, I sent that message a total of 24 hours ago, and if Whatsapp's indicators are to be believed, she has indeed read the message.
I'm contemplating saying the following things:
"OK, I understand. You want nothing to do with me anymore. Thanks bye."
"You think I'm a liar now, don't you? Well, I'm actually the last person to lie. You can ask any of my friends." (Then again, why would anyone believe anyone who they think is a liar in the first place?)
"Why does age even matter that much to you? You're 23 and I'm 21. So what? I'm going to begin my professional life before you anyway."
I'm not satisfied with any of the answers. I think it's perhaps best to just say to her "Bye," delete her as a contact and be happy with the minimal sense of vitriol I may gain.
I hate this seeming German notion to say nothing when you don't like a guy anymore. Why can't you just fucking tell me, "No, I don't want to see your ugly-ass face anywhere near me ever again."
Why do German girls have to let me down easy? Just tell me what the fuck you are thinking! Let me know what the hell it is I am doing wrong, so that at some point during my adult life, maybe, just maybe, I might find a girl.
German girls, I find also rely too heavily upon first impressions. They never ever allow any second chances -- and every friend of every German girl I've come into contact with seems to have a personal vendetta against me, steering the girls I am actually interested in well clear of me. What did I ever do to do deserve such rotten luck with every single girl I have been remotely interested in?
Let me avoid selling myself short here: I am a very nice guy, I never lie (except when it comes to stupid dating apps), I laugh, I smile (hell, I even got this girl I'm talking about to turn red on multiple occasions, I don't know why I have to stress about stuff like this!) and girls find me attractive. And you know what? I'm such a decent guy, in fact, that I'm not looking for a slantpiece, but really a companion, a best friend with whom it wouldn't be weird to spend most days of the week with, to watch movies with or to talk about deep emotions with. I'm not looking for a girl for the wrong reasons and I know I want a girlfriend.
Perhaps I need to stop looking. If this girl doesn't respond within another 24 hours, I'm deleting her from my life. It's a good thing I took the first step and deleted Tinder already then.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
Loser Love Diaries 25: Thinking Too Much
Here I am, it's 1 AM and I am sitting in my near-spotless room in Frankfurt, Germany with a feeling that my life is empty. With this girl on the verge of ignoring me [for good], I feel so lonely. My issue is as soon as a girl comes into my life (I mean, she asked ME to coffee, what girl does that?!), I get so attached to her.
It's a real shame, but I figure I have to take a page from the way girls think; that is, to treat potential mates as disposable. That's awful, I don't like it, but unfortunately it appears to me that's the way the world is structured. Perhaps I'm too nice of a person to think that way.
I think the prime issue at hand, more than anything else, is my overuse of commas. All kidding aside, (dammit, another comma!) it's that a number of my friends tell me I'm good-looking (guys and girls) or tell me that "Frauen stehen auf dich!" (which translates roughly to "Women like you!"). This, then, puts a great deal of pressure on me to find a mate as soon as possible.
In addition, my family (sisters, mother, father, cousins) all regularly ask me, "Did you get a girlfriend yet?" over and over. There's an expectation that because girls find me attractive that I should have a girlfriend by now. When I told a friend I never had a girlfriend his eyes grew exponentially and seemed to have gotten angry in disbelief.
However, I find (and I've said this on multiple occasions) is that what you can't understand by just looking at me is my odd personality; which repulses more than it seems like it will ever attract.
At the end of the day it has to simply be that girls my age do not know what they want and that in truth, an older (anywhere from 30 and older, yes I find them attractive, eat your heart out) woman would suit me a lot better. The difficulty however is finding one that would not mind having a younger man. Or even down the road having kids, which would mean we would have to sooner than later thanks to her fleeting fertility.
Oh the things I contemplate. I need to work on my car more and think about girls less.
It's a real shame, but I figure I have to take a page from the way girls think; that is, to treat potential mates as disposable. That's awful, I don't like it, but unfortunately it appears to me that's the way the world is structured. Perhaps I'm too nice of a person to think that way.
I think the prime issue at hand, more than anything else, is my overuse of commas. All kidding aside, (dammit, another comma!) it's that a number of my friends tell me I'm good-looking (guys and girls) or tell me that "Frauen stehen auf dich!" (which translates roughly to "Women like you!"). This, then, puts a great deal of pressure on me to find a mate as soon as possible.
In addition, my family (sisters, mother, father, cousins) all regularly ask me, "Did you get a girlfriend yet?" over and over. There's an expectation that because girls find me attractive that I should have a girlfriend by now. When I told a friend I never had a girlfriend his eyes grew exponentially and seemed to have gotten angry in disbelief.
However, I find (and I've said this on multiple occasions) is that what you can't understand by just looking at me is my odd personality; which repulses more than it seems like it will ever attract.
At the end of the day it has to simply be that girls my age do not know what they want and that in truth, an older (anywhere from 30 and older, yes I find them attractive, eat your heart out) woman would suit me a lot better. The difficulty however is finding one that would not mind having a younger man. Or even down the road having kids, which would mean we would have to sooner than later thanks to her fleeting fertility.
Oh the things I contemplate. I need to work on my car more and think about girls less.
Loser Love Diaries 24: German Girls
This German girl with whom I got to know via Tinder and had a brief date with [incredibly] responded to my texts. However, she seems less than enthusiastic to talk to me. I think I can chalk this up to how overly-energetic and try-hard I was at our coffee date. Out of the three times I went to the bathroom, sI returned to find her on her phone, inevitably informing her friends on how awful of a person I am.
You see, this would then be the second (but who's really counting ;)) German girl I have pursued. And it seems to me because I am so odd, so out-there, so different, I appear unattractive to German girls. Which means German girls astonishingly in some ways have higher standards than even I do when searching for a mate.
While I discriminate on hair color, hobbies, interests, they discriminate on country of origin. It seems as though they are only attracted to boring, traditional German males.
I'll keep you all posted. I'm sure you're dying to know what comes next... Good one.
You see, this would then be the second (but who's really counting ;)) German girl I have pursued. And it seems to me because I am so odd, so out-there, so different, I appear unattractive to German girls. Which means German girls astonishingly in some ways have higher standards than even I do when searching for a mate.
While I discriminate on hair color, hobbies, interests, they discriminate on country of origin. It seems as though they are only attracted to boring, traditional German males.
I'll keep you all posted. I'm sure you're dying to know what comes next... Good one.
Loser Love Diaries 23: Tinder and Whatsapp Rollercoaster
Just last week I felt desirable. I had two girls regularly sending me Whatsapp messages (one even asked me to have sex with her [despite this sounding absurd and unlikely, this was the second time for such a thing to escape the mouth of a female directed at me]) and was chatting with multiple girls via Tinder. This, though, was during a brief period when I had no money, so I avoided asking these girls on dates or going to clubs with them.
This whole coincidence came to me as a surprise because it’s an event in itself when any girl talks to me. I think it has to do with simply how odd of a person I am. I seem to repulse any and all German girls with how quirky I am. But don’t think for a moment that means I will ever change my personality for a girl. I will remain true to myself, even if that means I must stay single for the rest of my life.
I had a date with a girl I came into contact with on Tinder, but I will avoid the details (as I learned the hard way that girls hate to be written about), especially given the possibility this girl and I potentially have a future together. However, I will say that after getting her number, I deliberately avoided talking to her for a day (to play the role of the proverbial “tough guy”/asshole girls always seem to subconsciously drape themselves over).
Right now, it’s day two of the two-day process and I texted her a couple of hours ago, yet to receive anything. I am becoming paranoid, as if she pretended to enjoy my company, the date and only turned red on multiple occasions to feign her fondness of me. As if she is simply so polite that she cannot bear to possibly say she can’t imagine us together. I would frankly prefer for any girl to be as bluntly honest as possible, as I am about absolutely everything (as you can see for yourself on this blog, wherein I confess everything in candid detail).
Though, I maintain it’s good to continue to be skeptical about my love life, to not believe it when a girl likes you, to think you are not good-looking or that you have any chance with any girl. Yes, it’s ego-destroying, but at the same time you can only ever be pleasantly surprised and never disappointed.
So consider my outlook more in the way of realism than skepticism, because going by my track record (let’s see, kissing a total of four girls in my life, with nothing else, nothing more, nothing less, ever, no girlfriends, no sex), there’s little to expect or for that matter, be optimistic about. Why else do you think this blog series is titled “Loser Love Diaries”? I am brutally honest with and critical about myself and that’s how I will continue to be and I love it. I think it makes for an interesting blog at least.
I write this blog, after all, as a form of therapy for the wild ups (yeah, right) and mostly downs of my love life. Talking to my friends or family about my encounters and experiences with girls doesn’t ever come close to unleashing every shred of my raw emotion on a shitty Blogspot blog.
Monday, May 26, 2014
Loser Love Diaries 22: Tinder
The latest online dating app, Tinder, has caught my attention after hearing friends talk about it.
I thought, "Hey, I've been single all my life and have wanted a girlfriend all that time, so what's there to lose? Also, I can use this app as a litmus test as to if or what kind of girls are attracted to me." Well, of course, I didn't quite say all of that, but I thought it.
It all then started among a friend of mine and I, not too keen on taking the dating app seriously. We held a contest wherein we would see who could get the most amount of matches (possible by having the most attractive profile, profile picture and liking every girl who is suggested to you).
Before that, however, when I was testing the app in earnest to see how it works, I liked the girls I actually found attractive and disliking the ones I didn't. But nothing. I guess the girls I find attractive all have one feature in common, which would be their "Hochnäsigkeit," or their inflated self-worth/esteem. Unattainable, confident girls are in my book attractive girls. Girls who come to me are no longer attractive. That's just the way my mind works.
And the least attainable girls are by far blonde ones, for their self-esteem is so high, that should some lowly man as myself try to talk to them, it will result in at first eye-rolling and then cat-walk strutting out of the vicinity with her possé at her sides. Acknowledging my existence shows she likes me and might give me the impression I should talk to her, but no blonde wants me to talk to her.
At a club this weekend, I approached a non-blonde (Egad!), pulled my initial move of asking a stupid foreigner question, revealing my American identity, impressing her with my German skills and carrying the small-talk on from there. The rhythm's become so routine, I do it now without a second thought.
Into our deep conversation (or as deep as a conversation can be on the dancefloor at an electro club), I said to myself "Fuck it, I can tell (like all German girls, these are no exception) these girls are stuck up and I don't stand a chance because I act myself." In Germany, being unique, remarkable, unusual, exotic or otherwise is romantic suicide. You must be as boring and as perfect as possible in order to swoon the hearts of Gernan girls. So given I no longer cared what this girl thought of me, I asked her, "Why do girls dance in circles like this? For guys to come to you?" She said, "It depends." I interjected, "It depends (referring to myself) if the guys are foreign, funny, goofy, unique, or "Asozial"? She laughed and I was clearly doing well on the battlefield we call courtship (yeah right). But her friends (surprised), in typical German hochnäsig fashion, did not approve of me and never would. So those gifts of God cat-walked out of the club, for reasons unknown. Whatever, used to it. Not disappointed with such low expectations after all.
It seems Tinder was made for Germany, a place where the girls appear to hate to be flirted with and the guys are too shy to do so.
And after I can see I get nothing but unattractive girls liking me, I can see blonde girls' expectations are astronomically high for their suitors.
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Monday, May 19, 2014
Loser Love Diaries 20: Friend Zone
There are times when girls like me. Yet I don't like them or find them attractive or I don't make a move to get with them or what have you. These girls then assume I've friend zoned them and completely seize to talk with me. Or, perhaps my method to get a girl (all of which have been unsuccessful, no less) are so different (because they don't work) that the girl has no idea if I like her or not.
This is part-and-parcel of me being a conservative courtier, because I want to be gentlemanly in everything I do.
Loser Love Diaries 19
For more conservative guys (perhaps like myself) it's always a tricky balance because you want a girl who will make it clear to you as soon as possible that she is interested in you. Yet, on the other side of the coin, the girl is afraid of embarrassing herself by showing too much emotion early on, only to be denied, leaving her ultimately damaged.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Loser Love Diaries 18
I feel a cold sensation toward the opposite sex. Not when it comes to socializing or talking, but rather, when it comes to flirting. I just have so little faith anymore there is someone truly "out there for me." It's such a pipe dream echoed throughout the media that maintains that this fallacy is anything but. Yet, I can't shake the feeling that there is more than likely no one for me, girls do not and never will find me attractive, and that I never will have any opportunity ever to find someone.
I also can't help that I could very happily live for the rest of my life single, virgin and unmarried if this petty thing called "biology" didn't make men feel useless without a mate.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Loser Love Diaries 17: You Know when you're a Bitch when...
Some time ago, I met a girl on the way to the post office.
After the chain of events that followed our encounter (namely, being stood up three times), I wrote the above article.
The girl (bitch) read what I wrote and sent me the following after I said to her:
After the chain of events that followed our encounter (namely, being stood up three times), I wrote the above article.
The girl (bitch) read what I wrote and sent me the following after I said to her:
- 16. März
You can throw that into your old Google Translate to see what unfolded.
And you know what? I don't care I'm publishing her name, because I said N-O-T-H-I-N-G bad to or about her ever, anytime, anywhere -- in that blog listen or elsewhere. What she got angry about, I sincerely don't know.
And Carlotta, if you're wondering why you don't have a boyfriend based on your desperate cries out for a great man to just suddenly fall out of the sky onto your lap on Facebook, you just let a great one go. I hope you're happy, because I am sure am that I found out you are a bitch before I ever had the misfortune of spending more time with you.
And Carlotta, if you're wondering why you don't have a boyfriend based on your desperate cries out for a great man to just suddenly fall out of the sky onto your lap on Facebook, you just let a great one go. I hope you're happy, because I am sure am that I found out you are a bitch before I ever had the misfortune of spending more time with you.
Just had to get that out of my system and bucket list.
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