I am in a state of indifference. I don't know what I want. I am constantly rushing in order to spare myself leisure. My leisure is rarely satisfying any more. I am realizing I am increasingly in need of time intended for creative endeavors such as creating music, or writing, or expressing myself.
I am searching for what will satisfy me. Church? Nature? Deep relaxation? None. Only a thorough balance will suffice. During Mass, I am half asleep. What was my tranquil backyard is now inextricably filled with distant noises surely produced by nature-destroying machinery -- my hometown of Burr Ridge rarely ever seems to be sleeping as of late, which let me have you know, I immensely detest. I live in Burr Ridge, not New York City! To what extent will this pitiful urbanization of the world come to an end?! Imaginably the existing farms, mills, and food plants throughout the world will not be able to care for the world's gargantuan population come the next 20-40 years. I am fiercely disappointed by mankind's intense belief in capitalism -- which results in nature's suffering -- and little to mankind's concern, his demise. Relaxation in nigh impossible, as I will inevitably either fall asleep, or think of something to do.