Saturday, March 29, 2014

Loser Love Diaries 8: A new Self

I've recently adopted a new way of looking at my love life. That is, I no longer look on most every girl who walks my way with lust or every seemingly happy couple on with jealously; rather, I'm not entirely sure if it's wise to ever rush into any relationship of any sort.

This has been partly the result of talking with a friend of mine, after I asked him, "Is it ever actually worth it to have a girlfriend?" To which he responded, "Well, if you two enjoy spending time with one another and have started your relationship as friends, yes." My love life had a strategic flaw before: that I would ruthlessly talk to and try anything I could to get to know as many girls as I could better.

Now, I keep my head held high, because I know I am something girls seek. I am (other people have told me this [not only my mother, but girls my age], so it is not vain to say) handsome, confident, intelligent, thoughtful, considerate, funny, charismatic and so forth. I enjoy cooking, cleaning (I just mention these two otherwise odd pastimes because how many guys do other than me?), dancing, talking, partying and generally spending time with other people. If girls can't see what I have to offer, then they're the ones sorely missing out.

Of course, all the drivel I've just vomited on the screen before you may sound suspiciously cliché, and I've likely culled it from the load of romantic/love-centric media I've consumed over the past few months as I've began actually thinking about love and taking it seriously. But what I say is true. I don't need to be at the beck and call of every pretty girl I see. I have a lot more to offer than most guys do. I'm sensitive and enjoy talking, when most guys just want to huddle around the TV, watching football and pay their girl any attention only when they want to fuck.

Unlike most men, I'm not looking for a girl to fuck. I never have been. Yes, sex is supposedly joyful and so on and so forth, but for one, I don't feel comfortable having sex yet and nor is that the point of a relationship to me. A relationship is so you can spend time with someone, nearly all the time. To the point where you are no longer annoyed by the other person. To the point where each of you actually enjoy spending time with one another.

Instead, I am (or more accurately, have been) looking for a girl to spend time with. Full stop. I enjoy spending time with and speaking to girls. I've never realized that so clearly since I've began studying here in Germany and girls here have actually given me a chance, unlike their paranoid, sheepish American counterparts, who constantly assume I want to rape them, which could not be farther from the truth. Americans think about worst-case scenarios all the damn time. Too often, if you ask me -- to the point where some are unable to enjoy their lives anymore.

Now though, I realize friends (girl friends [with whom I have no romantic relationship], guy friends) can suffice just as well as any girlfriend. I think I've sought a girlfriend in particular for so long because you can spend nearly every day with said person without the relationship ever getting stale or awkward -- you can do things and touch the person in ways, well, I couldn't (nor would want to) a dude.

I realize though, I just hate being alone altogether. So long as I have friends with me, I don't care if I have a relationship at all.

So the lesson is to wait for the right girl, and to not force relationships. I can still be social, friendly and even flirty, but I shouldn't be so dead-set on making every potential relationship with every potential girl work. Because it most certainly won't. If it doesn't, no sweat off my back and I'll just gladly keep on looking.

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